At this very moment when I'm writing my new posting, I'm relaxing in Tempat Senang, Batam. Its a lovely quiet place to come for peace, spa and relaxation. There is nothing else here except we are next to the golf course. Surrounded by balinese architecture and deco, trees, wind, insects, and the sound of running water.
2010...what a year it has been. The toughest, most difficult year ever in my life. I had to face the most impossible thing that I could ever imagine will happen to me. I didn't know if I will ever get through it ever in the beginning of 2010. But now, given all the months of ups and downs, going through 1 hurdle after another, never give up, never look back, and paddling through all the obstacles that came my way; I can now say that I'm looking forward to a brand new year.
And thus, I made the decision of deleting all my old postings except 2 very important ones, so that I can start a brand new year full of positive energy and vibes.
While I was trying to pick up the pieces of myself the last 12 months, there were a lot of thinking done as well. Lots of questions that I've asked myself, and the answers became clearer every time I ask myself the same questions again.
There is a saying" know your purpose, and you will find your way". My purpose in life is to be involved in things that are meaningful, that will help to change peoples' life positively while achieving my own dreams. Everything that I do, people that I meet, I will always have interest in making sure that there is something positive that I can bring to this persons' life. Be it a simple smile, or laughter, or an act of kindness, or sharing my own experiences and thoughts, or a gift... I'm a person with no secrets to hide. I am what I am and this is what you get.
Entering 2011, I would like to find peace in myself, get fit and healthy, have more fun and learn to express myself more. Funny isn't it? A person like me has through the years learned to be very patience and keeping a lot of things to myself but yet putting up a strong front. Even with things that I don't like, it is hard for me to say "No". Learning to say "No" is 1 of the achievement for me this year...hahaha. You must be thinking...how difficult it is to say "No". Well, you will be suprise :). Growing up in a family where I'm the eldest among my siblings, and all the cousins, both from dad and mom side...I've grown up like a "Dai Ka Cheh". Being the example to everyone around me be it good or bad gives me a lot of pressure growing up. I guess thats where I developed myself to be a strong headed, independent perfectionist. Well...guess what when I'm a perfectionist? I expect people besides me to be like that as well. The fact that I'm good in almost everything makes some people around me feel bad because they feel that they can never come close to me. And I didn't realize I was subconciously acting that way.
Moving forward, I'm trying to take things easier. Guess what, I'm learning things that most people find it easy to learn....which is, to allow myself to be crazy sometimes, like...argue with my husband and throw pillows at each other but then make up with smile and laughter and hugs...like...saying "No" to people who wants take advantage of me.like..dressing up as sexy as I can be sometiems...like...occasionally spend on things that I like instead of thinking too much...like...acting stupid sometimes...yea..true...ladies will know what I mean..
Thus, there are much more to look forward to in the new year than looking back. There are plans that I need to start to put in action. Step by step, I know I will get there. And most importantly. The one lesson that I've learned, is that we can't control others but ourselves. I always have these few questions that I ask myself when I'm in doubt.
1. What is the purpose of me living in this life I have?
2. How do I want to be remembered by others when I'm gone?
3. What are my values?
4. What is it that I want to achieve?
If you are in doubt sometimes like I do, you might want to try to ask yourself these questions as well. Do believe that there is always someone that will believe in you, despite the circumstances that you are in. All we need sometimes, is to believe in ourselves as well, that each one of us is special and unique. And because we are all different from each other, we should expect that no two people are alike. If we all understand this, relationship among people can only get better :)
Happy New Year my friends!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Always in our heart
She, came into our life shortly after we got married. It was a gift from my sister, Elle who happened to found her at the SPCA when she was there donating to the organisation. I never had a dog of my own before, nor have I grew up having dogs or cats around. But she is really pretty and unique.
The 1st day we got her, she was very quiet and keep hiding in the cage. Didn't want to eat and play, nor get close to anyone. This is the 1st time we ever see such a unique breed. Mix of peakiness and Pomeranian. Small breed,flat face with stick out tongue,black smooth fur with white patches at the tummy and paws. It looks more like a cat than a dog.
As time goes by, she became very playful and she has become an important part of our life. We named her Minime ( or rather Ruben named her ). In short, we sometimes call her Mini. Mini is a very good girl. She is very friendly to everyone, even cats! And she do not poo every where. She likes to go to the grass when we were still having our grass in the garden. she eats everything, including Durian. Imagine that. Sometimes, she will plug the sour plum from the flower pot when it is ripe...She don't really bark. Very quiet, perfect as a pet.
Every 3-4 mths, we will send her for pet grooming and she will come back looks very cute with her short fur. We have neighbours and friends who love her so much. Kids will ask questions like, " Is this a cat?" Haha...no.
She will follow us when we go for a walk. We will let her walk freely but make sure that she is behind us.She is just so well behaved.
End of Jan, while I am working in Singapore, my bro MSN me and told me this breaking news. My dog ran away and they can't find her. It was a shock to me. She must be out there trying to look for the way home for her dad and mom. Ruben and I have been away in US early Jan and right after my kick off in Las Vegas, I came straight to Singapore to start my work here as a result of relocation from KL office. We have had experience where when both of us are not around for a few days, she will not eat her food. Thus, in mid Jan, my mom was worried and she decided to take Mini to my sis house so that they can look after her. I guess she must be missing us a lot. Apparently she has not been eating much and one fine evening, while my brother in law was talking to some friends in front of the house with the gate open, she ran out. He didn't notice her until much later. They went around searching for her the next few days and yet, still nothing.
We are really sad. I've cried a few nights. We are worried about where she had gone, whether someone pick her up? Will she find her way home? She is not familiar with the area where my sis stays. It is difficult for her to find her way back. We have been having her for 4 yrs. She is part of the family.
Till today, we have no news about her. However, Ruben and I have decided to think positively. Maybe...someone nice took her home and is taking good care of her. There is no one else back home that will take care of her since I move down to Singapore. Ruben is still working in Ipoh and he only goes back to KL during weekends. And with his plan of coming down to Singapore, we can't bring her over. No one else wants to look after her. Perhaps, someone now has found this really cute and well behaved dog, and she is in good hands.
We pray hard to God that she is with someone nice now. We might not see her ever again but she will always be in our heart. And we cherish the moments we had with her, the fun of playing with her and talking to her. This is for you, Minime.
Monday, September 17, 2007
9 yrs together
This coming 8th Nov, will be our wedding anniversary. 4 yrs into marriage. Wow! That's fast. Looking back, we've been together for 9 yrs now and we had known each other for 11 yrs.
Some people ask me, how do you guys managed to hang on to each other for that long? And especially he is my 1st and last boyfriend. This kind of people had disappeared from the earth. Hmm.....I really don't know. I guess, to me, he is my best friend ever, he really cares for me. Although we have differences and knowing that people are not perfect, I guess I just treated him as the one without looking around for another that is better. Mind you, he is really the best to me.
9yrs of relationship isn't a smooth sailing one. However, we have come so far to learn that both of us are not perfect, and we need to change ourselves along the way. We started off as friends in college, and got together when we were in university while we were in Perth ( where we lived together ), and then came back home ( lived with our parents separately for almost 4 yrs ) before we got married.Well, there were some complication between college and university time but I wouldn't want to go further detail on that...and guess what? Things do changed. Circumstances do change. But there is 1 thing that did not change, the love we have for each other. We love each other too much that we are willing to change for the better,
For a strong and independent woman like me, it is sometimes hard to tell my hubby how much I appreciate his love for me. Well, I do love $, I do love the diamonds and all the nice stuff like other women, but there is 1 thing that I want most, someone who really cares for me, someone that will be there when I need him the most, someone who can understand me, support me in everything I do, and someone who will share the joy of family with me.Oh gosh...I feel like crying now. How many woman in this world that has the privilege of a bf/husband who will hold their hands when they cross the road and make sure that he is standing at where the traffic is coming, just to make sure that if the car hits the both of you, it will hit him first and you are protected?
After marriage, GOD has put us into accepting his challenge. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually. We have gone through the ups and downs. These 3 yrs+ has been full of challenge. But I believe that things happened for a purpose. It makes us stronger and better. In the first 2 yrs of marriage, we have decided not to have kids first because financially we are still not stable. There are the house, the renovations and furniture, the cars, the bills etc. Living on our own had made us realized that our parents had done so much for us without us realizing it. Suddenly the questions of who is going to pay the bills, how much $ do we have to do this and that, whose turn to clean the house and arguments like I want it to look like this and that, where did you put the stuff...all came together.
Well my friends, if you think this will go away, it wont! But, the good news is, we learn to sit down and plan, communicate, and set priorities. Thank GOD that we are much better now. Sometimes little arguments can't be avoid but I guess it adds spices into our life.
And then, when we finally got settled down and wanted to have kids, we never expected that things will turn out the other way. 2 miscarriages in 2 yrs, with a cyst operation in between that got me in and out of hospital a few times is not something that we will foresee or expect. Emotionally, we were hurt. I was quite down after my 2nd miscarriage which was recently in April. Having thought that the pregnancy was good, with morning sickness and passed the 1st trimester, I really thought this is going to be it. And suddenly, one day after my doctor visit, I wasn't feeling too well and with tummy pain towards the evening and night, I finally didn't managed to get through. It happened in my own bedroom after the ward doctor sent me home when I went in in the early morning at 3+a.m. She says there is nothing that she can do except for me to lye straight on the bed. 30 mins after I reached home, my baby came out and my hubby, sister, aunt and uncle opposite had to carry me down from the stairs and send me to the hospital again. It was such a trauma that I wouldn't want to go through the experience again. ( I thought I told myself the 1st time I had my miscarriage, same symptom, same result )
I remember 1 thing that my husband said when I had my miscarriage. He says, its OK. I'm more worried about you. "When the baby came out while the doctor was with you ( during my 1st miscarriage), all I want to do is just to come to you and see if you are OK". After my 2nd incident, he even asked me whether I would consider adopting a child as he doesn't want to see me going through the same pain again. Here is what I want to say dear, Thanks but its OK. I will keep trying. I am looking forward for my future kids. I know I'll definitely have a healthy baby, with your care, support, and prayers from family and friends.
Today, after 9 yrs, we are happy. We continue to strive and work hard for what we want in life, and we know where we are going in life. Things might not be ideal now, but with hope, we know that every day is meaningful to us and I love to be with this man forever.
Some people ask me, how do you guys managed to hang on to each other for that long? And especially he is my 1st and last boyfriend. This kind of people had disappeared from the earth. Hmm.....I really don't know. I guess, to me, he is my best friend ever, he really cares for me. Although we have differences and knowing that people are not perfect, I guess I just treated him as the one without looking around for another that is better. Mind you, he is really the best to me.
9yrs of relationship isn't a smooth sailing one. However, we have come so far to learn that both of us are not perfect, and we need to change ourselves along the way. We started off as friends in college, and got together when we were in university while we were in Perth ( where we lived together ), and then came back home ( lived with our parents separately for almost 4 yrs ) before we got married.Well, there were some complication between college and university time but I wouldn't want to go further detail on that...and guess what? Things do changed. Circumstances do change. But there is 1 thing that did not change, the love we have for each other. We love each other too much that we are willing to change for the better,
For a strong and independent woman like me, it is sometimes hard to tell my hubby how much I appreciate his love for me. Well, I do love $, I do love the diamonds and all the nice stuff like other women, but there is 1 thing that I want most, someone who really cares for me, someone that will be there when I need him the most, someone who can understand me, support me in everything I do, and someone who will share the joy of family with me.Oh gosh...I feel like crying now. How many woman in this world that has the privilege of a bf/husband who will hold their hands when they cross the road and make sure that he is standing at where the traffic is coming, just to make sure that if the car hits the both of you, it will hit him first and you are protected?
After marriage, GOD has put us into accepting his challenge. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually. We have gone through the ups and downs. These 3 yrs+ has been full of challenge. But I believe that things happened for a purpose. It makes us stronger and better. In the first 2 yrs of marriage, we have decided not to have kids first because financially we are still not stable. There are the house, the renovations and furniture, the cars, the bills etc. Living on our own had made us realized that our parents had done so much for us without us realizing it. Suddenly the questions of who is going to pay the bills, how much $ do we have to do this and that, whose turn to clean the house and arguments like I want it to look like this and that, where did you put the stuff...all came together.
Well my friends, if you think this will go away, it wont! But, the good news is, we learn to sit down and plan, communicate, and set priorities. Thank GOD that we are much better now. Sometimes little arguments can't be avoid but I guess it adds spices into our life.
And then, when we finally got settled down and wanted to have kids, we never expected that things will turn out the other way. 2 miscarriages in 2 yrs, with a cyst operation in between that got me in and out of hospital a few times is not something that we will foresee or expect. Emotionally, we were hurt. I was quite down after my 2nd miscarriage which was recently in April. Having thought that the pregnancy was good, with morning sickness and passed the 1st trimester, I really thought this is going to be it. And suddenly, one day after my doctor visit, I wasn't feeling too well and with tummy pain towards the evening and night, I finally didn't managed to get through. It happened in my own bedroom after the ward doctor sent me home when I went in in the early morning at 3+a.m. She says there is nothing that she can do except for me to lye straight on the bed. 30 mins after I reached home, my baby came out and my hubby, sister, aunt and uncle opposite had to carry me down from the stairs and send me to the hospital again. It was such a trauma that I wouldn't want to go through the experience again. ( I thought I told myself the 1st time I had my miscarriage, same symptom, same result )
I remember 1 thing that my husband said when I had my miscarriage. He says, its OK. I'm more worried about you. "When the baby came out while the doctor was with you ( during my 1st miscarriage), all I want to do is just to come to you and see if you are OK". After my 2nd incident, he even asked me whether I would consider adopting a child as he doesn't want to see me going through the same pain again. Here is what I want to say dear, Thanks but its OK. I will keep trying. I am looking forward for my future kids. I know I'll definitely have a healthy baby, with your care, support, and prayers from family and friends.
Today, after 9 yrs, we are happy. We continue to strive and work hard for what we want in life, and we know where we are going in life. Things might not be ideal now, but with hope, we know that every day is meaningful to us and I love to be with this man forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)