At this very moment when I'm writing my new posting, I'm relaxing in Tempat Senang, Batam. Its a lovely quiet place to come for peace, spa and relaxation. There is nothing else here except we are next to the golf course. Surrounded by balinese architecture and deco, trees, wind, insects, and the sound of running water.
2010...what a year it has been. The toughest, most difficult year ever in my life. I had to face the most impossible thing that I could ever imagine will happen to me. I didn't know if I will ever get through it ever in the beginning of 2010. But now, given all the months of ups and downs, going through 1 hurdle after another, never give up, never look back, and paddling through all the obstacles that came my way; I can now say that I'm looking forward to a brand new year.
And thus, I made the decision of deleting all my old postings except 2 very important ones, so that I can start a brand new year full of positive energy and vibes.
While I was trying to pick up the pieces of myself the last 12 months, there were a lot of thinking done as well. Lots of questions that I've asked myself, and the answers became clearer every time I ask myself the same questions again.
There is a saying" know your purpose, and you will find your way". My purpose in life is to be involved in things that are meaningful, that will help to change peoples' life positively while achieving my own dreams. Everything that I do, people that I meet, I will always have interest in making sure that there is something positive that I can bring to this persons' life. Be it a simple smile, or laughter, or an act of kindness, or sharing my own experiences and thoughts, or a gift... I'm a person with no secrets to hide. I am what I am and this is what you get.
Entering 2011, I would like to find peace in myself, get fit and healthy, have more fun and learn to express myself more. Funny isn't it? A person like me has through the years learned to be very patience and keeping a lot of things to myself but yet putting up a strong front. Even with things that I don't like, it is hard for me to say "No". Learning to say "No" is 1 of the achievement for me this year...hahaha. You must be thinking...how difficult it is to say "No". Well, you will be suprise :). Growing up in a family where I'm the eldest among my siblings, and all the cousins, both from dad and mom side...I've grown up like a "Dai Ka Cheh". Being the example to everyone around me be it good or bad gives me a lot of pressure growing up. I guess thats where I developed myself to be a strong headed, independent perfectionist. Well...guess what when I'm a perfectionist? I expect people besides me to be like that as well. The fact that I'm good in almost everything makes some people around me feel bad because they feel that they can never come close to me. And I didn't realize I was subconciously acting that way.
Moving forward, I'm trying to take things easier. Guess what, I'm learning things that most people find it easy to learn....which is, to allow myself to be crazy sometimes, like...argue with my husband and throw pillows at each other but then make up with smile and laughter and hugs...like...saying "No" to people who wants take advantage of me.like..dressing up as sexy as I can be sometiems...like...occasionally spend on things that I like instead of thinking too much...like...acting stupid sometimes...yea..true...ladies will know what I mean..
Thus, there are much more to look forward to in the new year than looking back. There are plans that I need to start to put in action. Step by step, I know I will get there. And most importantly. The one lesson that I've learned, is that we can't control others but ourselves. I always have these few questions that I ask myself when I'm in doubt.
1. What is the purpose of me living in this life I have?
2. How do I want to be remembered by others when I'm gone?
3. What are my values?
4. What is it that I want to achieve?
If you are in doubt sometimes like I do, you might want to try to ask yourself these questions as well. Do believe that there is always someone that will believe in you, despite the circumstances that you are in. All we need sometimes, is to believe in ourselves as well, that each one of us is special and unique. And because we are all different from each other, we should expect that no two people are alike. If we all understand this, relationship among people can only get better :)
Happy New Year my friends!
